I used to love it when someone shared articles about how moderate drinking is linked to longevity. Or red wine, and the antioxidants in grape skins are good for the heart. It made it easier for me to push down my own gut feeling that alcohol was taking away from me more than it was giving.
Those articles and studies? Take a closer look. They end up contradicting themselves within the same paragraph. Reaching for a conclusion that keeps alcohol sales sky high. Often funded by the alcohol industry itself. But what gets the click is the headline. Phew! I don’t need to worry so much. I just have to figure out how to drink “the right way.”
This is where I lived for years. And these are some of the questions I asked myself daily. They were begging to be heard:
- Why do I drink when I had fully intended not to?
- Why do I have another when I had vowed to have just one?
- Why am I willing to live with daily headaches? Lousy sleep? Lethargy? To name just a few.
- Why do I drink so much now, when I grew up seeing its devastating effects?
- How can I talk to my kids about the dangers of alcohol when I don’t respect the dangers myself?
- Is alcohol making me become someone I don’t want to be?
- Isn’t there another way?
BUT, because alcohol is omnipresent, we contort our lives to accommodate it. We strive for that “I don’t have a problem” sort of drinking. The headaches, lost sleep, fatigue, added anxiety – it’s because I’M just not trying hard enough. Right? I have to figure it out. Because surely, it brings much joy to my life.
Cue the record scratch.
That’s what finally got me. Where is the joy? Where’s the joy added to my life from alcohol? It wasn’t there. I looked, and couldn’t find it. Just a white-wine soaked void. Where joy couldn’t grow.
Joy is in the meal. The taste of the food that sustains us.
Joy is in the company. The people in our lives who deserve our full attention, and we theirs. Not a fuzzy jumble of disjointed conversation and preoccupation with the next drink.
Joy is in climbing into a warm bed sober, fully appreciating the comforts we are damned lucky to have.
Joy is in real sleep, and dreams, and no 3 am anxiety about having “done it again.”
Joy is in waking rested, with motivation and energy.
Joy is in having HOPE. That no matter how bad the news is, or what falls in your lap that day, you are enough to handle it. You, alone, are better than you plus wine.
Get your joy back.
Eat some grapes if you’re looking for antioxidants.
